Trish's Taboo Thoughts

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 23:51:03 GMT

Changing the LJ... new one to come soon (still thinking of a good username)... This'll still be here but I won't update this one as much, if at all.

COMMENT IF YOU WANNA BE ON THE NEW ONE... It's gonna be FRIENDS ONLY!

I feel like I'm stepping out of my cocoon... Turning over a new leaf.... Gonna be more positive.... Plus One is my savior! =D

Clean Clean Clean!!! Squeaky Clean!!!

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 03:27:50 GMT

'k, so I'm taking a much-needed break from cleaning up... this week is HELL WEEK at the house. Clean Clean Clean and get it SQUEAKY clean! Two of my favoritest people are coming over to live with us for the week (well, Victoria one half and Nance the other half!!). Soooo excited!! ONE MORE WEEK!! Ahhh!! It's even 100% better cuz lil Victoria keeps calling my sis and I on the phone - just to say she really loves Ashlee Simpson. (What a cutie!) And Nance's convos and myspace comments and LJ comments are always such a pleasure!! Gets me all excited and giddy - like a little girl going to see Mickey at Disneyland!! =D

Ok, so I'm cleaning and listening to this AccuRadio thing I'm addicted to. They JUST played, like, two of the bestest songs E.V.E.R. "I'm All About You" by Aaron Carter ~ for some reason whenever I listen to this song, I feel soooo special. And "Perfect Day" by Hoku ~ the title says it all!! I always feel so happy listening to these cheesy-pop songs! Even though I'm kind of over NSYNC (kinda!), I'm soooo not over boy bands and girl groups and the pop-ness of it all. Who cares if it's not the trend anymore?! Great great memories, feel-happy music and lyrics, cute-as-a-button singers... love it!

'k, I'mma shut up now and get... doing... something!

"i'm so excited / and i just can't hide it / i'm about to lose control / and i think i like it!"

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 09:17:40 GMT

~*~ This TOTALLY made my day: ~*~

"...& trish it was great to finally have a convo w. u, its been too long!" [Chrissy Chris's Xanga... 143!]

It was such a nice thing to read, esp. after feeling really shitty about certain people and situations.

Also, it was interesting b/c we started talking about politics.... and if you know me, I NEVER talk politics. I don't know much about it (altho I try to pay attention more often) and it's such a touchy subject with me... like religion, altho I think for me it's easier to talk religion than politics. So many different views and I've seen so many people clash. I don't wanna be like that - I'd like to think that I'm open-minded which is why I'm a non-partisan tho I think that will change. But yes, Chris Chris and I finally got to have a chat and it felt really good. = ) Esp. since we have the same views =D

Another thing that I discovered today - Watching "happy" movies... esp. "lamo" movies like "From Justin to Kelly" is such a nice escape! All the bright colors, the cheesy dialogue, the awkward transitions from the cheesy dialogue to even cheesier songs, the characters, the semi-horrible acting, the infectious dancing... it's all part of the bigger picture that in one way or another puts a goofy smile onto my face. You can't help but smile during that movie!

Whoa - discovery! So Kelly Clarkson's new song "Breakaway" which I totally L-O-V-E love, was co-written by none other than Avril Lavigne! Too cute! Two of my fave girlies... Love it!

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 08:00:07 GMT

So today I went to the VC Fair with Linds. Got picked up at like 10:30ish. Wow, it was so weird to be leaving that late! Every time Gelica and I went out with Linds, it was always pretty early, like 7:30!! That's another thing... it was weird 'cuz Gelica wasn't with us this time.

...((Aw, it's so nice. I remember when I was younger... till I was in HS, I would pretty much never go out with my friends AND Angelica. Esp. in elementary, I treated her like the plague! It's like "OMG, GO AWAY!!" I know, I know - that was so mean... but the fact that we've grown up and the fact that I had such LAMO friends back then and such AWESOME friends right now totally help the cause. Anyway, I'm just really glad how things turned out. My sis is my best friend!! =D [Love ya sissy!]))...

But yes, it was different... but ish okay!! Linds and me time! Anyhoo, so yeah, we head off to Ventura-y area... but 1st Linds remembered it was her mom's co-worker's b-day (her former co-worker as well) so we spontaneously went to get flowers and a balloon, then went over to the office. Unfortunately Shelly had already left but we decided to just leave the shtuff there so she can get surprised. Found a vase for the flowers and then Linds and I made her room pretty... er, sorta. "Special delivery ::small letters:: Go to your desk =)" Linds bugged her mom a bit and then we went bye-bye. Stopped at Carl's for "real food". This time I got something GOOD. OMG, it was yummylicious! I saved Linds from the scary construction workers, and Linds got her SPECIAL sticker. Then we were off! Ended up at Ventura High for the Park and Ride and sat in the back cuz we cool like that. Linds showed me more of Ventura and stuff. Got to the fair and found out that we didn't need to pay $7 for the fee... It was Throwback Thursday or something and admission was only $1!! Woohoo!! We saved $6!! Went around... mutually decided not to ride anything... saw animales (goats, sheep, moo-moos, piggies, [spaztic] bunnies, etc.), had coffee drinks, and played some games. Linds played 5 and won 3 out of 5 (Tie-Dye, Moo, and Schizo), I played 3 and won 1 out of 3 (Trevor or T-Dawg). Not bad. Walked around... 'twas fun. Left after, like, 2 hours. Back to Simi (Slimy - as Linds says) Valley. Plums, popcorn, pizza/breadsticks, and berry Gatorade w/ "That Thing You Do!" OMG, I hadn't seen that movie in FOREVER. One of my favoritest movies ever. I remember being soooo obsessed with it in 6th grade. Gee whiz! Loves it. Then looked at pics from CFTC... looked like so much fun!! Next year Linda!! Then watched "Stuck in the Suburbs". LMAO. Throwing paper towel balls at each other. Were total goofballs, it was great! Dude, if I could capture some of the stuff we say/do... it's crazy! =D So fun... LINDA! Then time for me to go homey... Decided on ice cream/Ben and Jerry's before home. MmMMmm... coffee drinks rock my socks! Ride home was nice... Talking about "our 2 sets of guys" and stuff... lol Insightful! MmMmmm...

Came home to my wonderful mom and sissy still up. Sissy had a BAD EXPERIENCE today... thankfully not as horrible as mine. THANK GOD. I woulda died and totally - ay!- if something happened to her! =*( Aw, she bought me a lil gift! =*) Sweet.

LMAO I LOVE my voicemail messie... Thanks for the info Linds!!

Tomorrow... er, today!!: Gym in the morn / Work late morning-early afternoon / Later... "The Village" with Lydda. Should be eventful!

Sidenote: This song is just... uplifting in a melancholy way... kinda like "Start to Fly". Ever since I heard this while on the treadmill, I've loved it! I think it totally sums up the way I've been feeling lately. Sometimes I'm WAY UP, and at others, I'm .so. ...damn low... ::sigh::

In a moment everything can change.
Feel the wind on your shoulder.
For a minute all the world can wait.
Let go of your yesterday.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing and take control?

Fly.
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away.
You can shine.
Forget about the reasons while you can in life.
And start to try, cause it's your time.
Time to fly.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else.
Find a dream you can follow.
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing and take control?

Fly.
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away.
You can shine.
Forget about the reasons while you can in life.
And start to try, cause it's your time.
Time to fly.

And when you're down and feel alone,
Just want to run away.
Trust yourself and don't give up.
You know you better than anyone else.

In a moment everything can change.
Feel the wind on your shoulder.
For a minute all the world can wait.
Let go of yesterday.

Fly.
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away.
You can shine.
Forget about the reasons while you can in life.
And start to try.
Start to fly.
Forget about the reasons while you can in life.
And start to try.
Cause it's your time.
Time to fly.

In a moment everything can change.

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 17:01:13 GMT

Ugh, so yeah, last night was so friggin' awesome! Yes, I can clearly say that things are definitely looking up! [=)] And yes, karma can be a BITCH (And frankly, so can I!). But enough of negativity.... like the Spice Girls said: "All you need is positivity !"

OMG, I am sooo loving this LAUNCHcast Radio thing... I've been on that station "Big Hits of the 80s", like, every time I sign on! Loves it. Makes me wanna go back and live through junior high and high school in the 80s. Wonder what that woulda been like??

Oh, ok. So yesterday started off a bit... ehh. For some reason I felt soooo sleepy. So I drove my sissy to and from school. In between, made some lunch which consisted of frozen pizza and Spaghettios. Ok, I love them, but it's not exactly the nutritious meal we're to be getting. [=\] So yeah, go to work after that for like 2 hours which isn't so bad. Got my paycheck which was not bad for a day's pay. LOL Got home feeling hot and icky. Later on, called KIIS to "talk to JoJo". Sweetness!! I got through as I was falling asleep and then I woke up. Had an interesting convo with JoJo about his hair... Well, I asked "Can I ask you the omnipresent question.... How's your hair? And he was like, "It's NASTY!... I'm actually thinking about shaving it all off... So it'll be as bald as your ass!!... Assuming that your ass is bald." Me: "Oh, it IS." Weird... But hey, I was on the radio!! And then we had another convo about Ashlee Simpson (Me: "She rocks!") It was awesome... man, when I heard myself on the radio, the first time, it sooo did NOT sound like me. haha Aw, but that was fun, even though I was on hold for like almost an hour. It's a record! [For the SHORTEST time!!] It reminded me of all those times when my friends -well, Chris and Nance- and I would call... man, I'd forgotten what it was like!! Last year I wasn't even on the radio [=(] But the 1st J3 Nance and I were sooo on the air! But yeah... Oh, if anyone knows the girl who answers the phones for JoJo's show (I think her name was, like, Dara or something...), could you tell me what her name is... she's AWESOME!! So sweet. Oh, back to my story... ok, so I was elated from being on the radio and whatnot... and then off to my bro's game. OMG, this game was their BEST! First of all, I LOVE this team better than ANY of the teams before. This group is just amazing. Their coaches rock and the guys on the team are just sweethearts. Dude, I swear, some of the guys... when they grow up, are gonna be sooooo hot!! Ay! Okee doke, so yeah, my bro played sooo darn well. And this other guy Chris (BHM's lil bro) is adorable too... and he played really well too! They won!! I was soooo happy for them. Hm, then did a late night Taco Bell run (after going grocery shopping... and Nance: OMG, You're gonna love it come J3 week! FOOD GALORE!! It's gonna be THE BEST. I promise!). MmMmMmm... Taco Bell is heaven!! Yum!! But yeah, no internet access late last night, boo. So hence this entry is a bit late. Better late than never righty?!

J3 2004 HERE WE COME!!

Oh yeah!!! Nance was the night-before-last-night's RADIO GIRL & I was last night's RADIO GIRL!! Woohoo!!

Countdown: 21 days :: Exactly 3 weeks till J3!!

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 07:03:04 GMT

Ah, what a day at the gym (ok, like an HOUR) does for you. Yup, second time at the gym today. Different trainer this time and the bike thingies were full so I ended up on the treadmill for a good hour power walking 2 1/2 miles with an incline of 5 (don't know what that means tho). Wow, it was really fun. It could be a daily thing. Well, in any case, a 3x a week thing is good for the time being. Mad props for Nance being on the radio.

J3 for the 3rd time. "It's tradition, man!!" Sooo looking forward to it!! That also means closer to school, which I'm totally anxious about. Nothing is gonna beat last semester, except for, of course, THIS semester! *Positive thinking**Positive thinking*

Man, I'm beat. I started feeling dead tired at like 9:30 - what's up with that? Hm, things might actually be looking up, in a way. =D Keep ya posted!

::"Tape keeps rollin'/Won't stop rollin'... Show's done but the tape keeps rollin'/ Can't push stop cuz my life is recording"::

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 23:18:41 GMT

Happy August! Actually, August is starting out to be a really bad month... July was okee doke - nothing really spectacular tho. I prefer June, when all was good. Well, not ALL. But at least there wasn't so much SHIT going on.

I dunno... I decided that I HATE weekends. Something bad happens during the weekends. Like, realizations or just plain fights break out during the weekend. These past 3 weekends (esp. the past 2) have been really SHITTY weekends. There's something about Saturdays and Sundays I just don't get.

I feel so empty inside. There's nothing more I can really do about some situations and I feel so powerless. Can't forget last night, try as I may. Like I predicted, I woke up a bit unfazed, but then the dark cloud took over. Everything makes me wanna cry. The amount of hate and anguish I have... the tension... I can't believe how much I let go last night. Or... that I actually DID let go. All the resentment, the hate, the pain... all the crap that's bottled inside me... let's just say it's buried deep inside my pillow.

Gawd, more and more I wanna escape this place. What "this place" is... I'll never know. Maybe it's my house, maybe it's L.A., maybe it's this world... no idea. I wanna run away. Major deja vu of that one day freshman year when I skipped school and went with my mom to her office. (Why is mine and my mom's secret) Gosh do I miss that place. I felt so cosmopolitan whenever I walked down that street with all those business people around me in their business suits. Escapism - that's what movies are to me these days. Yesterday was nice seeing "The Notebook" with Nance. I got to escape reality for a little bit and was engrossed in the lives of Noah and Allie. [And I had fun. Thanks Nance!]

Well, I'm gonna go. Being online all day is just plain depressing.

Motel, sitting in the dark
Empty room like an empty heart
Lovers stop, but they never stay
They don't look back as they 
drive away

Maybe I can fix this broken neon light
Feelin' the cracks and paint it bright
That  maybe love will stop here  tonight


And if she knocks on my door
I'll give her the key
Just one look in her eye
And I know I'll be
Everything that she sees in me
More than I ever thought I could  
be, but...

These are the days
When all that I can do is dream
But I don't wanna spend forever
Living in the in between
I'm stuck here in a place without love
And I just can't let it stay this way
But for now I'm gonna have to face it
These are the days

I gotta use this lonely time
To change the picture in my frame of mind
Outside the window there's a sunny day
I wanna feel it on my face
You and I...
We're out here looking for the same thing
An end to all the wondering
Waiting for someone to share this feeling

And if she knocks on my door
I'll give her the key
Just one look in her eyes
And I know I'll be
Everything that she sees in me
More than I ever thought I could be but...

These are the days
When all that I can do is dream
But I don't wanna spend forever
Living in the in between
I'm stuck here in a place without love
And I just can't let it stay this way
But for now I'm gonna have to face it
These are the days

These are the days between your hopes and fears
These are the moments that are still unclear
It's still uncertain if she will appear
But like it or not
This is what I got

These are the days
When all that I can do is dream
But I don't wanna spend forever
Living in the in between
I'm stuck here in a place without love
And I just can't let it stay this way
But for now I'm gonna have to face it
'Cause these are the days

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 06:48:34 GMT

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.::You::.
Name::	Patricia
Eye Color::	Brown
Hair Color::	Dark Brown
Hair Style::	Medium-long kinda choppy layers
Birthday(month and day)::	December 6th
Heritage::	Filipina
Religion::	Catholic
Age::	19
Skin Color::	Mocha
.::Currently You're::.
Seeing::	This wonderful survey
Feeling::	Hopeful & a little bit nervous about tomorrow
Hearing::	Sugababes
Talking To::	No one
Eating::	White cake
Drinking::	Strawberry Daiquiri
Wearing::	Black tank top & gray shorts
.::Relation Ships::.
Single or Taken::	Single & Ready to Mingle!
Crush/gf or bf::	Um, not really, but I kinda fancy this one guy - not really tho. Oh yeah, and I have a thing for Trevor Penick, but that's another story!
Their Name::	"Burly Man" ['Cuz I dunno his real name!]
What do you like best about them::	For some reason, I think he's hott!
Why are you attracted to them::	I dunno, actually! He's a "burly man", he looks kinda tough, athletic, but I think he's kinda old...
.::Last Person That::.
IMed you::	Liza/Nance
Yelled At You::	My mom
Hugged You::	Aimee
Kissed You::	Can't remember
Said Your Name::	No se
Stared At You::	Julie
Laughed At/With You::	Chuckles
.::Favorite::.
Band(s)::	O-Town, NSYNC, Sugababes, LFO, YT, Lillix
Game(s)::	Ones I found on an O-Town site: Word Search, Hangman, & Concentration
Movie(s)::	A Cinderella Story [NoHo represent!], Love Actually, Longshot, From Justin to Kelly
Book(s)::	Letters From the Inside, The Client, Sloppy Firsts & Second Helpings, Gossip Girl Series, & Anything by Lurlene McDaniel
Friend(s)::	Nance, Linds, Victoria, & Aimee
Song(s)::	"This I Promise You" (NSYNC), "A Toast to Men"(Willa Ford), "From the Damage" (O-Town), "These Are The Days" (O-Town), "Happily Ever After" (Tony Lucca)
Tv/Cartoon/Anime Show(s)::	That 70s Show, Quintuplets, The Simple Life, Reba, The View, Live With Regis and Kelly, Joan of Arcadia, & The Simpsons
Food(s)::	Chinese, Thai, Mexican,
Color(s)::	Red, Black, & Pink
Website(s)::	RatetheMusic, WorldOfBritney, InsideOTown, Craigslist, PopDirt, LJ, Xanga, Myspace, & Friendster
Drink(s)::	Non-Alchy: [Strawberry] Lemonade, Ice cold water; Alchy: Sour Apple Pucker, Mike's, Smirnoff
.::Opinions::.
Obesity::	Unhealthy, but I should be one to talk!
Fidelity::	You better be! Infidelity = Sucks
Anirexic::	Food is good people!! It's really a psychological disorder
Politics::	Hate talking about it.
Racism::	Where is the love?
Homosexuals::	Can be some of the nicest people!
Bisexuals::	Whatever floats your boat.
George W. Bush::	I don't talk politics.
Abortion::	I'm against it.
Rape::	Who in their right mind would be FOR it?!
.::Opinion on the band/singer::.
Good Charlotte::	They're pretty cool. Love their music.
Madonna::	Has some catchy tunes. The Immaculate Collection = One of my fave albums!
Britney Spears::	Old school Brit. 1st album brings back so many memories!
Lostprophets::	Dunno.
Black Sabbath::	I've heard a song of theirs in Music class. Not bad.
Blink 182::	Hell-arious dudes. Good songs. Especially "Adam's Song" =*(
Something Corporate::	Dunno.
Evanescence::	Love their 2 radio hits. Amy Lee is one cool rocker chick!
Eminem::	Catchy songs.
Usher::	Nice body, good songs, seems cocky tho.
Yellowcard::	"Ocean Avenue" is SUCH a summer song. I liike!
Hoobastank::	"The Reason" is an awesome song. Doug Robb is a looker.
Chevelle::	Dunno.
.::Random::.
Are you a guy or girl::	Girl
5 things on your desk::	Cell, cds, wallet, checkbook, & paper
5 cherished things in your room::	Cd case full of cds, my bed, my bulletin board, my photo albums, & my diaries
.::Friends::.
Best::	The Bestest: Nance, Linds, Victoria, & Aimee
Most Smartest::	These
Most Prettiest::	Questions
Most Funniest::	Are
Most Sweetest::	Kind
Most Generous::	Of
Most Annoying::	Pointless
Most Creative::	Ones
Most Boring::	To
Most Saddest::	Ask
Most Talkative::	!!!!!
.::This or That::.
Dorritos or Cheetohs::	Doritos
Cat or Dog::	Cat
Jolly Ranchers or Starburst::	Starburst
Orange Juice or Apple Juice::	Orange Juice
Blonde or Brunette::	Brunette
Black or White::	Black
Red or Blue::	Red
Japan or China::	China
Winter or Summer::	Winter
Halloween or Christmas::	Christmas
X-Box or PS2::	PS2
MP3 or CDs::	CDs
Pants or Shorts::	Pants
Real Life or Webcam::	Real Life
.::End of Quiz Questions::.
Did you like the survey::	It was aiight.
(Rand.) Scariest thing in the world::	Losing someone extremely close to you... the feeling of REAL danger.
Which question was the best::	Which question was the best:

Survey For Yourself brought to you by BZOINK!

"F**k [Them], Let's Drink to Us

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 01:58:57 GMT

Hmm... so here's the deal, I'm actually gonna take some time off this 'ere thang and start writing in a REAL journal (as I've been telling myself for the longest time).

What's up with me... well, a lot of stuff has been happening and yet, nothing too much is going on. I'm still on my journey of finding my true identity... I know it sounds so adolescent and I should be past it, but I'm not. There are so many things that affect me - the way I think, my perceptions, my biases, my personality... especially lately. My mindset is that I want to be a chameleon - trying to please and/or shock everybody. The truth is, I'm so damn sick and tired of people thinking that they know me. In some peoples' eyes, all I am is some goody-two-shoes pure angel virgin or whatever... I may be some of those things, but that's not all there is to me. Yes, I am "normal" - I swear, I curse, I drink, I can be quite bold and gutsy when I wanna be. But I am NOT naive (well, in most cases anyway) and I'm not some gullible fool that you think you can overlook and label as "that good girl". Whatever, I have nothing to prove... Moving right along.

You know, I was thinking about it (in church, nonetheless) and that quote about friends that goes "It's not about quantity, but quality." I used to think that the more people like you (as in numbers) and the more friends you had, the better a person you were. Wow, you learn something new everyday. As I see the number of true friends going down, I'm really starting to appreciate and truly embrace the people that are left that I consider to be my closest friends (I <3 heart <3 you: Nance, Linds, Victoria and Aimee!!)

Oh, ok. Well, the thing is, I'm gonna go save up for a trip somewhere for next summer (Miami?) or something like that and I've decided that from now until then, I can't go out anymore and spend money, unless I promised you a movie [*Nance* and *Liza*], or if you're leaving to go off somewhere [i.e. Aimee = Boston], or another VERY SPECIAL exception. I can go out, it's just gotta be something like hanging out at someone's house [*Lydda, I'm SO sorry I haven't called you back... SOON, ok?! I have something for you too! ;)*] or as Steph said: "It's gotta have the word FREE in it!" Kapeesh?!

It's been a good few days... Yesterday, went to my bro's bball game, 1st one of the season. Awesome team!! Their coach is so cool. Very chill and awesome looking guy. Very patient and doesn't yell like no other unlike some coaches. They lost, but it was SUCH a good game! My poor bro tho, wasn't at his best cuz he had a bad sleep and, like, a bad lunch (well, not BAD but not very nutritious). Game was against Aimee's bro's team, Lamont's team. It was great cuz we got to hang with Aimee. Went to the 7-Eleven (my home! LOL) and got Cola Slurpees. MmMmMmM! Walked, and it was hot as a mofo!! Eeee! Aw, 'twas fun cuz we got to talk. And it was sooo nice knowing and being tight with someone from the park. It really makes it feel like home. Then later, went to my Kuya Paul's party in Tarzana. Had some good drinks. I had about 5-6 Smirnoffs, some vodka and coke, some raspberry Smirnoff and Sprite, and some Corona. And before that, some wine coolers. Never drank that much before, and I started to feel it. I don't think I was drunk (otherwise, wouldn't I not have remembered?! I dunno) but definitely a bit tipsy. Went home at 3am as opposed to 11pm... oops! Stayed up talking with my sissy... deep. We both felt so shitty after that. Yeah, makes me soooo depressed. Kinda like after the talk after the HK Wrap Party about how celebs are soooo fake. =***(

Woke up this morn at... noon! Yeah, was supposed to wake up at 11 to get ready for the day but ended up barely getting ready at like 12:15. Oy! Met up with Aimee at 1:30 in time to get to Burbank. Saw "A Cinderella Story". OMG, I loved it!! haha So cute, and the fact that it had soooo much of NoHo in there, made it awesome! And Aimee totally made me appreciate NoHo so much more!! I used to be so bummed to live here as opposed to, like, Toluca Lake or Burbank but I'm so proud I do. Hung out for a while. Ate some good stuff. A pizza from Sbarro, veggie egg rolls from Panda, a strawberry lemonade from Surf City and a Moolatte from DQ. Yeah I like a little of everything. Bumped into Ashleigh at the food court. Then went to Barnes to wait for mi madre and saw a hot man sitting by himself when we went to go to the Starbucks area. LMAO My sissy kept walking by him. I kept making Aimee laugh and almost spit her drink out. I love it!! Dropped Aimee off at home and then went to church where I saw Julie Dugan during communion when I was walking back to my seat and she smiled at me but before I realized it and could smile back. I did but she didn't see! Boo. You know, I really admire Julie. She's practically everything I wanna be. She's very positive, patient with even the jerkiest of kids at Confirmation, seems to be very happy with her life, graduated from CSUN and if I remember well, she had an awesome job, and she's sooo pretty, like girl-next-door pretty, which I think is the prettiest of them all! Man, and she's so religious but at the same time, very hip, so she makes being religious very cool. When I think about it, I wonder why and what is keeping me from working with Confirmation and/or Youth Ministry. And I think I know why... Very personal tho. Hmmm... maybe I'll go back to doing stuff later.

Oh ~ I am so diggin' this Willa song, "A Toast to Men"... The video is so hot as is the song. I LOVE IT!

"Girls, I'd like to make a toast on behalf of men
Here's to the men we love
Here's to the men who love us
Here's to the men we love who don't love us
F**k the men let's drink to us"

My take: "F**k [THEM] let's drink to us!!" Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna have a Strawberry Daiquiri...

::On an O-Town Rampage::

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 03:02:59 GMT

On an O-Town spree... as you can see!! [Hey, that rhymed!]

Ashley
~"First phone interview... and you hang up on her... I didn't like that question, sorry." (busting on Erik for accidentally hanging up on an interviewer)

~“Have we gone Platinum? Aluminum? PLASTIC??"

Dan
~"You don’t wanna know what Ashley dreams about. Ashley dreams about turtles and cats dancing and writing music in . . . Japan."

Erik
~"Flower shirt, flower shirt, I am wearing a flower shirt!"

Jacob
~"I got people pretending to be me. I don't even have AOL."

~"Hey Ikaika, what's your brother's number? I need to ask him some questions."

Trevor
~"I look like a girl!" (after seeing himself with makeup on)

~"Every guy, who's a guy, wants to meet Britney. And I'm going to do it for you guys out there. It's just for you.…
It hasn't hit me yet. Like we're going to be opening for the biggest female artist in the whole world.…
I'm here. Where's Britney?…
(To Britney) Honestly, girl you fine …
Sorry, every guy who lived vicariously through me jumped out...
I just shook her hand and told her she was fine. Sorry...
I like Britney for five reasons...
[Screen Graphic] Reasons Trevor Likes Britney:
1) She fine.
2) She damn fine.
3) She pretty fine.
4) She fine.
5) She's hot.” (Trevor meeting Britney)

~"That's how the counter feels!" (throwing a bowl onto Ashley's lap)

~"That girl from Titanic is hot...No!!! The old lady."

~"Guys I want you to meet my girlfriend...hmmm..I don't have one!"

~"Jacob winks, Erik points, I wave, Dan thrusts, and Ashley jaw rocks."

~"I did NOT fart in the hot tub!"

...Now for some quotes to make you go "Awwww!!"....

DAN: "It's all about making somebody smile when you're on that stage."

TREVOR: “I never told you about how I went and saw ‘Save the Last Dance’. There’s this time in the movie, you know obviously they fall in love, right, and it’s the first time they kiss, cause they’re on the doorstep and they’re totally kissing and you know you could totally feel the fact that that was the moment they start falling in love, right? Right after that scene, for the next five minutes, I sat there, tears, like crying and it was like high school scenes going on, know what I mean, cause I was just thinking about that moment, and right then and there I realized like that’s what I’m missing in my life, like I need to be in love, know what I mean? It’s something that I can’t have in my life right now, but it’s something that I know I need.”

JACOB: "I really wish Trevor could experience a relationship that Janie and I have because there’s nothing better than having somebody who is your favorite person in the world, and them feel the same way back. There’s just nothing better."

"Janie is my best friend, she's who I depend on for everything, and she was my girlfriend in like 5th, 6th, 7th grades. So now it's past that, it's like, this is who I lean on, this is who motivates me, my shoulder I cry on, this is who keeps me going and she's my support."

Sidenote: Wow. Awww... that is so darn cute! Man, now I really wanna go out and do something with my life! Who knew... that a little over four years ago when these guys answered a little ad for open call auditions to be in a boy band, that atheir lives would change forever?! And I never realized how many fans they had - and STILL have! Even though they're gone, they still live on... =**)

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 07:56:34 GMT

*The \\*
Last Cigarette:	Never
Last Alcoholic Drink:	Over a month ago
Last Car Ride:	This afternoon
Last Kiss:	Still waiting for my first...
Last Good Cry:	A while ago
Last Library Book:	"Checkers" by John Marsden
Last book bought:	"Vinland Sagas" for History class
Last Book Read:	"Checkers"
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
Last Movie Rented:	"Don't Say A Word"
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	Don't remember
Last Beverage Drank:	Coke
Last Food Consumed:	Kettle Corn
Last Crush:	Leo
Last Phone Call:	Gino... but he didn't pick up!!
Last TV Show Watched:	A tape of last week's ep of "The Simple Life 2"
Last Time Showered:	This morning
Last Shoes Worn:	Flip flops
Last CD Played:	O-Town
Last Item Bought:	O-Town: Live in New York DVD [Online]
Last Download:	Some O-Town performance
Last Annoyance:	*An itchy bug bite on my forearm (At least, that's what I think* it is!)**
Last Disappointment:	Spending too much $$
Last Soda Drank:	Coke
Last Thing Written:	An O-Town site
Last Key Used:	e
Last Words Spoken:	"Here's your phone"
Last Sleep:	7 hours ago... at, like, 3pm-7pm
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	Vanilla with some berry sauce last night @ Cyl's debut
Last Chair Sat In:	Uh, this one... that's in front of the computer
Last Webpage Visited:	LiveJournal
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Mon, 12 Jul 2004 07:43:42 GMT

Much love to Nance and Sean... deep convos of the night.

"No more drama fo' yo' mama" ~ my one and only Chuckle-berry Finn

[[Wow, who knew *NSYNC could be so true?!]]
Don't wanna be a fool for you
...
You may hate me but it aint no lie
Baby BYE BYE BYE
...
I just wanna tell you that I've had enough
Might sound crazy but it aint no lie
Baby BYE BYE BYE

...
Now I've really come to see that
Life would be much better once you're gone
...

BYE BYE BYE!!!

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 07:52:39 GMT

Had a wonderful past 1 1/2 days... 1/2 of yesterday and 1 today. Spent it with the bestest EVER! [Love yas!]

...Last night... My sissy and I went out with Nance's fam to dinner for Khoi's going away thingie. Had a lotta fun. My goodness, didn't realize that the last time I'd seen Nance was... the Usher thing!!! (Was it really that long ago?!) "Been too lo-ong / [She]'s been go-one..." Anyway, yeah, it was so fun - just being w/ the fam. They all rock, I love them! Went shopping in Nance's room - magazines and a DVD and a lip gloss or two! Sweet!! [Thanx Nank] Then went to Mori's (sp?) for din-din which was scrump-diddly-umptious! Pulled a Medieval Times-self on myself. Nance and I had a cake eating contest... She won... but it was technically unfair b/c we traded cuz she wanted the one with a strawberry which I had at first and she gave me this "You KNOW you wanna trade" look, so we did and the one she had was wayyy bigger than my original. So technically *I* won. Anyway, I let her win!! ;-) After went over to Quang's for a bit and watched a bit of "The Simple Life 2" and "Newlyweds." Fuun. Then went home, stuffed and entertained.

...Today... Linds picked my sis and me up and took us to her house in Simi. (Aw, Gelica's first time!) Blasted Spice Girls on the way there. lol "You know, now that I think about it, all their songs are basically about sex!" Very observant Linds!! We had ESP(N!) cuz I was reading where Justy said that right before she got to our house. So got to Simi. Said hi to her dawg Corey and chilled in her room, watching the "CFTC" DVD and playing w/ Grey Guy the "Goober" cat. Then we hit the road. 1st stop: WaMu. LOL "Walmart?" Then headed over to the TO mall, The Oaks. Had lunch and wandered a lil. Oh, got our free cotton underwear at Victoria's Secret with my card. Since neither of us have ever worn or bought a thong EVER, Linds decided that we should get 'em. So we ended up getting the same thong in different colors (mine pink, hers blue). My sis got a cute bikini one that I wanted to get but... next time! 'K, then headed over to Ventura. Passed by to meet Linds' friend Tasha. Got to meet her (Yay!) but didn't get to spend much time cuz of the parking and such. Linds showed us Ocean Ave. (Yes, like the Yellowcard song!) Came, and saw the beach. Then went to the mall. Met her friend Sarah. Loved her!! "Did you hear Marlon Brando died?... All I could think of was *counting one by one with her fingers* 'You-are-the-next-Mar-lon-Bran-do' ["On the Line" reference!] LMAO She was cool. Then had to leave the mall and meet Linds' mom. Funny stuff w/ a man looking at her mom. Let's just say: HAHAHAHA! OH.MY.GOSH. The funniest part was when we were heading from Ventura back to Simi and we were at a stoplight. Linds was saying how the stoplight was really long and I had pulled out my new thong outta my purse and was holding it up to fold it (as not to leave it all crumpled) and as I held it up, I look over to my right and notice this [hot white] guy with his head hanging out of the driver's seat window, totally staring. ROFLMAO! Oopsy! I'd totally forgotten I was holding my thong. Then a little while later, I was still holding it up and looking at my sis in the back when all of a sudden my sis starts to point behind me and her and Linds laugh. Lightning strikes again - Oopsy! number 2. Yet another hot guy is staring at me holding the thong. Oh geez!! Niiice. We then decided (or at least Linds did) that we should just go with it and she put it on her head. lol LILO AND STITCH moment! Had a great convo about ppl - girl friends in particular. Man, that's why I love hanging out with Linds - she's so awesome in the fact that she doesn't give a crap what other people think and doesn't worry about her looks 24/7. (Who else would put underwear on her head while driving?! Or make her infamous quacking sounds? Classic!) Ugh, I hate people like that! Man, just live life and have fun. Headed to her house real quick and then over to the cinema. Quick din-din at Panda (the best I've ever had at Panda!! Aw, Tony memory!) and then off to watch "Harry Potter". Bought popcorn and an Icee (a "Freezeframe") for the first time in forever. Oh yeah, saw an AC lookalike and Linds started singing an AC song. Muahaha. "HP" was good! I jumped a mile and was embarrassed. Got confused and thank God Linds saw it twice! Went to the bathroom and my 'rents called. Oopsy! Turns out that my voicemail messie confused my mom and she thought there was something wrong with my phone b/c I have one of those "Hello? What? I can't hear you!!!" messies. So she had my dad call on my sis's cell. Oh dear - 'twas funny tho! Got a lil scolded. haha. O-Town on the way home - it's tradition man!

Ok, I'm really tired right now, falling asleep and tired of typing.

Last words:
+ Lovin' the single life right now. Not that I don't think of *him*, I do, but yeah... I'm realistic and memories are great. But for now, I'm diggin' my friends and doing the girl thing and having fun with my girlies. Why should I waste my time trying to find a significant other when I have these wonderful friends that keep me company and do fun stuff with? And, with the exception of a very few guys in my life, guys suck!
+ On the other hand, there are also people I need to let go of. Like, people that I *thought* were my friends before and want to keep in touch with... well, let's just say the feeling is not mutual. Makes me sad. Thanks for calling me or responding back to me... whatever. For those who have, you know I love you mucho. For those who haven't - I have three words to say to you: BYE BYE BYE.
+"All For Love" is a horrible song - O-Town's worst song ever. Yet, it's pretty durn fun to sing to at the top of your lungs.
+[Note to self:] Things to look forward to:
July 16 - "The Notebook" w/ Nance
July 17 - Cyl's debut
August 10 - VC Fair = Black Eyed Peas!!
...Hopefully more will be added... ((NSYNC Party, another Ventura trip, O-Town in NY DVD watching... stuff like that!))

But for now, ta ta!

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 06:54:56 GMT

Had a great 4th of July weekend. Almost as good as last year's ~ almost.

Saturday, went to my cousin's grad party. Beginning was kinda blah. Was gonna play a game with all my lilo cousins, but some decided they were "too old" to play. Bah!!! Wound up singing karaoke with Nic and my sis and sometimes Cyl. Had a blast jumping from song to song. Magic Mics rock!! Watched some fireworks at midnight w/ whoever was left at the house. Good times.

Sunday, headed over to Long Beach to stay at my aunt's for the next two days. Got there early afternoon and had a feast. OMG, they had delicious crab and amazing seafood soup! Geez, everytime we go there, all we do is eat, eat, eat. But it's ok, cuz right after my fam and my other cousin's fam walked a few blocks over to the beach. Talked to Nance and Lydda on the phone. Lordy, it was funny... go figure - Lydda and I were at the same beach at the same time! haha Planned to meet up later on. My oh my, let's just say that there were some goodl-lookin' fellas over there!! Ay! [Wait... didn't Mr. Danny Zavatsky grow up in the LBC?!] Met up with Lydda... ay, pobrecita! Her and her 'rents had to literally walk a mile to see us. Aww! 'Twas a good lil meetup tho. Haven't seen chica in for-ever!! Had to leave tho a little while after. Went back to the house for a snacky and then had the whole gang trek over to the beach again to watch the fireworks. Maybe it was where we were sitting and the whole ambiance, but I was kinda unimpressed. I kept telling my mom "We DEFINITELY hafta go to the Rose Bowl next year!" Man, I hope it happens. Gr, I don't care, I sooo wanna go!! Anyone wanna come with?! It's THE BEST EVER. I'm serious... let's plan it! Lemme know.

Monday, went with my lil cousin Victoria and her nanny Josie and my fam to the Pike in LB. Saw "White Chicks" which is such a hilarious movie!! I was literally crying from laughing so darn hard. When I went to the bathroom after it was over, all my eye makeup was smeared down my face!! How funny, never had THAT happen before. After that went to CPK - YUMMY! Then had to head home... boo!

I never thought I'd say this, but I totally LOVE Long Beach. It's so pretty! So much to do and it's such a summer place. The beach is gorgeous and so accessible - like a 10 minute or so walk from the house. Hot guys galore. So much to do. I was actually thinking about it - passing by helped too! - and I think I'mma consider going to CSULB and applying there for next fall. They have a great radio program and a journalism course there... who knows? Plus my aunt AND my cousin have houses there. Hmm... yay, another option for me!! Ok, time to go night night... have a LONG morning ahead of me tomorrow.

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 07:58:28 GMT

Where to begin? It's been one helluva roller coaster week (What's new? Nah, but actually this one takes the cake!) Started off really low, soared to a big high, stayed that way for a bit, then went back to being low, a little lower, then back up, then low, then lower, a little bit higher, then low again, then high... you get the picture. A quick recap:

Sunday night... Let's not touch that one with a ten-foot pole. Monday... Went to D-Land w/ Linds and my sis. Met up w/ Linds' friend Justine, who was freakin' awesome. Had a blast ~ despite the monetary thing, had basically no worries and just got to let go, have fun, make a new friend. Oh, it was so great! Tuesday... Met up w/ my middle school bud Ren (who is on break from Cornell) at Citywalk. Shopped - well, she did. Saw William Hung and acted like a teenybopper for like 5 minutes. Wow, that was sad. Then lunched and bumped into my brother's 2 friends. Wednesday night - Thursday night... Slept over Cyl and Nic's house. Made 'em watch "The Reel NSYNC" which they totally loved (Yes!). Let's see: exercising, "Please Don't Go", my first Splenda experience,"Flashdance" [[Ya'll fell asleep on me!]], "Time After Time" [[A la Romy and Michelle]], Jessica/ Ashlee show watching, Universal, Starbucks vs. Coffee Bean [[Ok, the CB wins!]], and "LOTR" Monopoly [[I won!]]. Whew! Friday... Eh.

Oh yeah, and on Thursday night at about 10, my cell got shut off. So I've been w/o a cell for about 5 days now. Actually, it's quite refreshing. FINALLY started up with Verizon today and had my first hour on it. Sooo bad. Trying to get my old Cingular number - hope it works. We'll see how that one goes... however, I'm lovin' my new phone (flip, no camera - but that's aiight so I can bring it to Ryan's show!). Want to keep my old number so I don't hafta call everyone, esp. the new ppl I met who I don't really talk to on the phone. It would kinda be embarassing if I called outta the blue to say my number has changed, dontcha think? Lordy knows how I don't need THAT to be happening...

Which segues onto another topic... This morning I was listening to KIIS, Ryan's show, and the part I heard was during this segment with Little Ally and she was talking to some personal trainer dude... haha All I remember is her saying 'obliques'... I love that word! Never heard of it till my Health class. Aww, Health class! Oh, which reminds me I'm selling my book in the fall - woohoo! Wait, ok, where was I? Oooh, right! Ok, so she was talking to the dude, blah blah blah... then at one point during their convo either in the background or maybe they switched dudes or something... or maybe my ears were playing tricks on me... but for a bit I heard Leo's voice! How bizarre is that? Ay, and I kept seeing him everywhere yesterday. Kinda like that "Full House" ep where they go to Disney World and DJ keeps seeing Steve everywhere... Yeah, it's kinda like that! Now ~ this is gonna sound totally contradictory, but I think I'm finally over... I mean COMPLETELY over him. I know I'll never see him again, I'll be ok. I'm content, I have no crush to obsess over, no one to impress. I can just worry about satisfying myself and not have to give a crap (well, at least not THAT much) about the way I am. And I know I've said this a bazillion times, but I'm a true believer in things happening for a reason and that in the end everything will fall into place - including that special someone, if it's meant to be. It's all good. Man, but it is so true, that saying: "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same." Oh, that is so true!!! Especially in college. It's such a bittersweet thing.

Ay, and I started to write... well, attempted to write lyrics the other day. Came kinda hard. Didn't really get much done - nothing actually. I have all these feelings bottled up inside and I just wanna sit down and write like mad, and turn it all into a song(s). Ugh, I'm soooo jealous of Ashlee Simpson. Or any other artist for that matter. Just picking on Ashlee b/c I saw her do it on tv. But anyway, yeah, I wish I could have people that play instruments and are talented to help me get started on writing. I think once I start, I'll be able to do it. I just need to get started. Some people are just plain lucky. Man...

And yet another segue... so I saw one of my former writing partners in church the other Sunday. We smiled but then I never saw her again. Now I've dealt with her being busy and all this stuff... not calling me/calling me back and even standing me up when we had plans! But when you're practically face-to-face with someone, can't you even give a single explanation? The audacity... It's so sad but true. Now I don't mean to pick on her, but it sucks. And not only with her, but other people from the past. I guess people just drift, or it wasn't a strong hold from the start... whatever. But when you have all these memories and you just drop someone and just plain forget the past - that's tough. Oh well, I know - life is tough and that's how the cookie crumbles. = \ What a way to end the night. Hrmph.

Welp, I'm off to sleep, like I should have been long time ago. Get to be a chauffeur for the bro, to and fro, then work and in between that I have to clean, clean, clean. (Hey that rhymes!) Fun stuff. You know you're jealous!

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 08:57:58 GMT

Having some problems right now... LJ friends can testify to that!

And among all this, Cingular was a bitch and cut off my phone. It's ok, 'cuz it's time to change services -and phones!- b/c frankly I never really liked Cingular. But it sucks b/c I'll be without a phone for a few days and I'm gonna prolly change my number.... ugh, what a hassle! (Wow, I just realized, this is the 1st time in 4 years where I'll actually NOT have a phone, really, in my possession. Yikes!!)

I'm gonna be really outta the loop, so if it's uber-important, call the house.

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 21:54:29 GMT

The past few days have been pretty fun... and it seems that the next few days are gonna be a blast as well!

I've been really good this past week (although the fried chicken and chocolate milk I just had was a damper - darnit! I was doing so well too! Oh well, gonna be good from now on, despite that). I've been exercising on a daily basis - with the shoulder/upper arm pains to prove it, driving more by picking up my sibs on a normal basis and getting so much better and way more confident with driving - woohoo, and eating right. What's bad is my sleeping habits - I definitely need school for that. I'm thinking since I'm having this much fun and planned so many outings for the next two weeks, I best be going to summer school if a) I don't want the fun to drag out too much. Too much social things and too much going out - there's only so much I can do. Keeping the outings moderate and spaced out would be key, so I don't burn out. And b) If I don't wanna be broke. Going out = spending money. Spending money is good if I have it, but I also need to save and not spend money I don't have - Big No-No. Ay!

Work is getting more fun these days. Last time (Wed) I just talked to Jenny (my co-worker) for the last hour I was working. It's kinda funny - she's so professional and everything with her work, but when she gets talking, you can really see there's a major party animal in there! haha She's a bundle of fun tho. She's driving down with her fiance this weekend and she was saying how she was gonna take me to party and go to the beach and shop and stuff. =) Am I ready for that? LMAO Hey man, if I'm going to a party, I'm definitely dragging one of you chicas with me!! Don't want what happened last time... unless there's a cute boy I can suck face with all night. ((Kidding!!)) Wow, I've never said that before...

Last night I went with Nicole, Cyl, and my Auntie Katie to a screening in Woodland Hills. OMG, the movie was soooo not how I expected it to be. It was a movie called "Cellular" and from how it sounded, I thought it would be a horror flick, but it wasn't - it was a suspense/thriller thing. Now ya'll know I don't watch horror movies, esp. at the theaters (I prefer them to be in the comfort of a home, with tons of blankets and pillows around) What can I say? I'm such a chicken! Anyway, IMO it was REALLY good... even though I saw most of it peeking through my sweatshirt hood and on Cyl's shoulder. LOL Gosh, I was such a nerd - all yelping and "Oh my gosh"-ing. hehe The movie had its funny moments though... "Helllllooo... Ryan?" "Good luck with your beauty shop... It's a DAY SPA." "What's his name?.... Ricky..... Ricky what?... Ricky Martin.... Who names their kid Ricky Martin?!" LMAO The movie stars Kim Basinger and this cutie named Chris Evans... and Jessica Biel is in it for 0.7 seconds. See it when it comes out! =) After the movie went to Denny's. Good times! OMG, there were these girls behind Nic and they were sooooo annoying and loud - and extremely rude. Geez, I hate people like that! After that went home and called it a night.

Now I'm watching "Now and Then". Oh lordy, it sooo reminds me of back in the day... the good ol' days when us Gopez girl cousins were all so close and used to have sleepovers and go to Michael's over the summer. (Damn, we're old! I can't believe it's been almost 10 years!) And these past few days... well, ever since last summer, it's kinda been like that again - just older. And I'm glad. Those days were really fun and then we'd kinda drifted apart for a while, but now the four of us are back again and we need to relive those days, granted in a more mature way (but why not?!).

Tonight: Gonna go see "Mean Girls" with Cyl & Nic [ if plans aren't screwy (cross your fingers!)]
Tomorrow: Mom's friend's potluck thing; April's screening... possibly
Sunday : Movies w/ Nance ("Saved"?) & P.F. Chang's
Monday: D-Land w/ Linds
Tuesday: Out w/ Renia... possibly
Wednesday: Work
Thursday: Movie extra taping w/ April (Hope she didn't forget!)

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 08:38:11 GMT

I did it!

I called Leo. Wasn't how I wanted it to turn out. [If you haven't heard details and wanna know... ask me!] The worst 3 minute convo I've ever had. Like, I think I sounded like a dope. I'm soo not a phone person - things went awesome in person. Or maybe that's because I actually started caring. When I didn't really know him or care all that much, it flowed. Now that I think he's a hottie and have this crush thing on him, I'm becoming inhibited. Honestly, I think I speak Martian or something because I never have good convo with guys on the phone. I used to be able to... Maybe I just lost my touch? Who knows?? But, I think I've overanalyzed it enough. Let's just say I truly believe in the saying "Things happen for a reason." Whatever... he has my number FOR SURE now. [That punk: he got my text but didn't text me back... just a little bitter!]

I was pretty bummy about it earlier. But, I think I'm okay now. [Thanks for your input Mr. Ruby! I needed that testosteronal answer (Is 'testosteronal' even a word?!) Thanks for putting it into perspective and helping me to see that it wasn't THAT bad. =)]

One thing's for sure: He's still hot as all hell!

Ya know, I'm really determined to exercise and eat right and stuff... and it's partially because of him. (He'll never know that of course) But yeah, he's inspired me to do a couple of things... like start up singing again. And definitely start exercising on a daily basis and eating right. Inspired some of my writings. It's all good...

Oh yes, I wanna go crazy... I have all these goals for this summer that I hope will fall through. I wanna stop being "Little Miss Innocent" and do something totally crazy - just one night. And not THAT crazy, at least something crazy for me. Like go to a party and do... stuff. I don't know how to explain it. [Nance, you might - no, WILL BE- angry at me!] I need to let loose and not care and just let go of my inhibitions - but of course morals and values will be placed out there, so I'm not gonna do anything STUPID. Yes m'am!

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 18:47:52 GMT

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

But not.

I'm sad. I'm really sad. I really enjoyed this semester. Gawsh, it took me only 10 minutes to finish my Health final today. I outdid myself. But yeah, it was sad - I had a great time in that class even though I didn't really talk to anybody. Boo.

...Random thoughts...
+ Going to work today after missing 2 weeks.
+ Slept at 2 this morning and didn't get up till 7:15 or so.
+ I think I'm actually gonna take a summer class for the hell of it. I don't wanna sit on my ass all summer, plus I'll get to meet even more people (I hope!).
+ I need to go out with a buncha ppl this week... but for some reason I'm feeling extremely antisocial.
+ I need to see "Mean Girls" with like 10 different people. Oops!
+ Still waiting for that damn text... don't think it's gonna happen.
+ I wanna call so badly but something's holding me back. (Like, my tongue!) Ugh.
+ I learned that depressing music does NOT help much when you're depressed. It just makes you more depressed.
+ I really need to stop using my phone. The bill this month is literally gonna come up to several hundred *Eek!*
+ I'm sleepy... bye bye!

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 20:06:07 GMT

Oh dear. I can't believe it - I have failed myself! (Ok, being a bit of a drama queen, but it's true!) I cannot believe that it didn't come to me earlier... So, I was flipping through some old Seventeen issues trying to look for some articles for my Health 11 class portfolio, and I see this feature on the cast of the Rob Schneider movie "The Hot Chick" - which I totally loved! So I'm looking at the cast and a name catches my eye... Maritza Murray [who plays Keecia aka "Ling Ling"], who was in my Broadcasting 3 class this semester!! [Reason #999 why I <3(ed) that class so much] Silly me, I didn't even recognize her! tsk tsk, My TBness is wearing off! NOOOOOOOO!!!

....

This lyric has been stuck in my head for the longest time... and it totally describes what I'm feeling right now. Gotta love Westlife!

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last
For eternity...

Let's see... so Friday went to Cyl's grad at SG. It was interesting. Spent the entire time chatting it up with Nic, talking ish about ppl and the sort. Then saw Jeramie outside, surprise surprise! Then went back to Nic's house and pigged out on pizza and soda. Ate wayyyy too much pizza, it's digusting. OMG, my diet started right after that! Got home pretty late, and then I still had the energy to go online and chat it up with Nance... [Love you!!] "I'm so proud of you!!" I guess my ballsy-ness that rubbed off on her rubbed back on me and I succumbed to the urge to text Leo - at freakin' two in the morning! Heh, not expecting a response (although I pray that he does)... if he doesn't, it's cool. I think I can deal waiting a week or even two before I ring-a-ding him up. We shall see...

Welp, got a crapload to do... one more final and I'm freeeeeeeeeeeee!!

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 20:13:31 GMT

Here is your horoscope for Friday, June 4:

After the week you've had, you're probably still smiling. The good news is that you'll be inspired to keep smiling all weekend. Call the proper companions to bask in your warmth.

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 22:06:40 GMT

4 finals down, 1 to go!!

Had 2 today - the previous 2 were the hardest ones and today's were the BEST! Psych was first up, and lordy, it only took me like 20 minutes for the entire thing, but no one was going up and I had no clue what to do till 10:30 (2 hours!) so I just checked some stuff. Sat outside to wait for my friend Suzanna and picked at the questions I was unsure of. Suzanna kept me company for a bit, but then left. Boo... I'm gonna miss that class! It was fun =) Aw, Suzanna was technically my first Valley friend. How nice. 'K, then had like an hour and a half to kill. Talked on the phone forever... then went to the library to use the bathroom cuz it was far (even though I think that bathroom is the most disgusting thing ever!). Finally met up with April and haha we were dressed alike: new haircolor (altho I like hers wayyy more than mine!), black tops, skirts... She walked me to class and then ran off to her Stat final.

Ay, Broadcasting. I'm still in denial that it's over. That class has been such a great experience. It made me realize what my strengths and weaknesses are.... How first impressions and judgment are not always the best thing.... To let go of my inhibitions.... I got to see and meet many other talented people.... Last year, self-esteem = mega low. This semester alone has been such an ego-booster. =) Anyway, class started half an hour late, which was all good. Got to talk to Tina and Jacqui, my Broadcasting chicas. Oh, how I am soooo gonna miss them! Both were my spokespeople in that class, esp. Tina! I'm gonna miss our convos... Jacqui: "Sweet, salty.... Guys always say they want one, but then they [do it] and they want the other." ::insert Phil jumping in here:: "What?!" haha [[I guess you just had to be there...]] Did our radio show play. OMG, Leo was sooo awesome! He played one person in each play and he was freakin' awesome in both! Gosh... It was really fun doing that! Yay, and after the lady who was helping us (Ms. B?) complimented us. I was watching her compliment Leo and I smiled. He so deserved it. Oh, and we got our newscasts back and Tina and I got the same grade: 96/100! Wooo! Oh yeah, then Ms. B came up to me and said that she loved my voice and that I was wonderful and mentioned that I didn't miss any of my cues. Man, I was so elated, I wanted to cry. For all the times I feel down about myself (and believe me, if you saw my latest *private* diary entry, there's a lot of shit that goes on inside me) - it's times like these that make all the pain and crap suddenly all worth it. ::insert Celine Dion music here:: Hm, anyhoots, we had a lil party but practically everyone left. Had some good ish, but I only ate my chocolate Kisses - I couldn't eat! Well, I had some of Trevor's matzo crackers... too cute. Wow, I'm really gonna miss all these people. :****( College sucks (but not!). I was supposed to go outside with Tina to get the addy of the 24-Hour Fitness she and Jacqui go to but I wanted to stay a bit longer so I just told her we'd keep in touch and such (Ooh that rhymed!) Everyone started leaving and Leo did too so I decided that I should be leaving as well. I hugged Gail and told her I was gonna be in her 10 class next fall and Clay heard me and he was like "Me too". I hope he wasn't joking, cuz I was like "Right on!" So I turn to the right as I exit the door and who is walking towards me but Leo! We both say hey and we hug goodbye (although my mind is such a mess and I don't remember any of it!) and then I tell him we should keep in touch and he's like "Absolutely" and gives me his number. Oh. My. Gawd. My hand was shaking so badly... I forgot where I put my cell and I finally found it and then I couldn't get it to unlock cuz I kept pressing the wrong buttons! Ugh, took me forever - I was so nervous! Finally got it, but I was too nervous to put in his name *gasp* [[God-forbid if I do it'll mean he really DID give me his number and I wasn't hallucinating the entire thing.]] I felt bad though cuz he leaned forward a little to check if I got the right number and I kinda pulled away so he wouldn't see it and I was just like "Um, yeah, got it! Thanks." Then he gave me the cutest smile and was like "Alright girlie, talk to you later." Ay!

"Can I get your number baby ::dun nuh nuh nuh nuh:: Hit me with the seven (er, 10!) digits!"

Geez, I wanted to scream!! I was bummed no one was there so I could scream aloud, but then again it's better- that way no one gets hurt and everyone gets to keep their eardrums! Oh geez, then I went to call April as we walked away from each other and I accidentally dialed his number! Eeek! Luckily, I caught it in time... dammit, maybe I shoulda just let it ring and go "Ha! Just wanted to see if it worked!" Hmm... nahh... it's better that way!

Soooo... now I'm in a dilemma of WHEN I should call him. And what the hell would I say if I did call him? Jeepers! I haven't been in this *predicklement* since the 7th grade! HAHAHA The sad part is, it's true! I need to remind myself that he's just a friend.... nothing more, nothing less. That I don't want anything from this, just a friendship - unlike in 7th grade with Michael. Gawsh, I was such the little dweeb! I refuse to reiterate what I talked to him about... Bestest... call me and HELLLLP!! In much need of some girl talk!

In other news: 1 more final on Monday and it's Health. Blah!! And yay, I have someone to come with me to the Martin Lawrence movie shoot - April!! Andd... I have some dates I need to plan, with Renia and Lydda - yup. Anyone else?? haha Watch out - only a few more days till summer!!!

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Wed, 26 May 2004 06:47:58 GMT

I FEEL NAKED!!!

Today was the 1st day ever that I left my phone at home - and then when I got home I found out my mom had my phone, so I was phoneless all day. Eep!

Went to all my classes - yes, even Geography (aren't you proud?). Oh, and I even parked in Lot er... the one April parks in... for the 1st time! Psych was good... Upper: Getting a good A in that class. Downer: We took a test about obsessive compulsiveness and guess what - I have the qualities of OCD. Grrreat! Broadcasting was super... yay! Turns out our final is due next Tuesday (not this Thursday - woohoo!) and our radio show is being recorded then and we're having a party for the class then too! Yip yip!! I'm so gonna cry then! =**( Oh, and I did NOT do my decision. Not sure about it... if I should let it go. But then when he walked into class today, my heart did gymnastics! Eeee... But yeah, didn't get the chance to. Bummer. What can you do? Maybe Thursday or Tuesday... just maybe. I think today wasn't meant to be b/c my phone was not with me and fate didn't give me a chance. Ah well. [Man, this is why I don't like college - I don't enjoy impermanence, most of the time. Like, all these people - I wanna keep in touch ya'll!]

So yeah, was supposed to go to the "AI" taping today since I accidentally signed up and funny enough I get it, and tomorrow which I REALLY wanna go to cuz my Kelly is gon' be performing MY SONG!! But my sissy's choir concert is tomorrow and I need to finish a crapload of stuff for the next week or so. Ugh - bad, procrastination is BAD! It really is all my fault - no excuses, I had a lot of time on my hands, but what can you do? Oh well, c'est la vie!

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Tue, 25 May 2004 06:12:43 GMT

Happy Monday!! Dude, I can't believe it's the last week of school already (before finals!).

=) Had a super-duper weekend:

Friday... Went to work for 2 hours and then went w/ my mom to get our hair done at Excellent. Lunch real quick while waiting for Javier (hair guy) and then my locks went snip-snip away! Picked the sibs from school then raced home to pack and haul over to Long Beach. Got lost, but it was fun and scenic. Accidentally on purpose [something like that] found a grocery store, Albertsons. Waited a while, met up with my aunt's fam from the Phil. Went to my cousin's real quick and in b/w watched the Laker game. Iiiinteresting! Went to eat some grub at this place in Westminster, Pho Bac. My first time really, having Pho. Yummy!! Never had it before - I like. Then went back to my cousin's to catch the taped version of the game. Sweet, they won! Stayed a lil longer then went back to my aunt's house. Started watching "Pirates" with the cousins, but was dead tired and it was about 1.

Saturday... Woke up, breakFAST, then Savon run w/ Mom. Got a nice call from Cyl and Nic =) [Yes, we must - SOON!] Decided to not go to something and stayed longer than anticipated. Went to the Pike and ate at P.F. Chang's. O.M.G. Sooooo darn good! All of it. Heavenly. MmMmMmM... Ate wayy too much! Walked along the marina a lilo. Then went back to my aunt's to say bye to my fam from the Phil and started watching "Freaky Friday" w/ my cousin Victoria. Then we had to go to drop off the bro for his friend's thing. Ugh, traffic and long car thingie = grrr! Night ended on a bad note, w/ me and my bro not talking. Poo.

Sunday... Church. Ran around to drop my sis off a million places. Ran errands. Exciting - Target rocks! Got "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on DVD. Oh how I enjoy that movie! 80s dude ;-) Bought "Elephunk" by BEP since I can't get enough of "Let's Get Retarded[/It Started]" Stayed up til 2 am doing my Health hw, making a model of male and female genitalia. Surprisingly had a lotta fun! haha

Today... Decided I'm not going to work. History ... Health was fun! Talked about sex - interesting. Saw and talked to Jacqui ("Penny!") lol Gotta love her! Then bumped into Michael Ruby at 11 and he was gonna walk me to the library and while we were walking, I saw Mr. Joe Bernard! How funny, we did the same thing (went from CSUN to Valley @ the same time & for the same reasons). Odd, how I'm talking to all these people OLD and NEW when it's the LAST WEEK of school. Pssh! Anyway, Ruby and I ended up talking and hanging the entire time and he ditched his two classes. Aw, it was cool - we got to hang out and spend MUCH quality time in the caf. haha Interesting people *ahemFRANKahem* ("Help!") Got to talk a lot [Aw, you know I'm here for ya!] Went home around 3 and vegged in front of the comp. Talked to Liza, and Lauren to figure out details for tonight. haha I was nervous!!

And the rest are details.

K, so I brought my mom with me to meet up with Lauren and such. Met up at Citywalk and met her, her sis Steph, their friend Brenda and Brenda's bf Jesse. Aw, they were sooooo awesome!! I couldn't have asked for more awesome people. Wow, first time we all ever met and I had such a good time. Bummer, we only had an hour and a half. Went into a store or two with toys and candy. Amusing! Then decided that we needed to eat and I suggested Rubio's which Jesse loved. Yay! So we went over there and got some grub. Talked, took pix... Steph, Brenda, and Jesse started playing MASH while Lauren and I were talking, my mom watched 'em. So funny! Aw, I wish we coulda hung out more and the sort - darn hw, and school, and everything! Boo - now I gotta go to Philly! =) But yeah, my mom and I had a great time, even if it was a bit short. {Aw, Lauren if you get to read this.... I had a lotta fun!! Nice meeting you and Steph and Brenda and Jesse - you guys rock! We gotta do this again - gotta go to Philly SOON! =) }

Whew! Running on only 4 mere hours of sleep and I'm sooo awake! Started feeling exhausted late this afternoon but tonight totally rejuvenated me.

*sigh* HW awaits... can't wait for tomorrow! Hopefully I get to do what I need to do - in ALL aspects.

~*~Everyday is a step in the journey of life.~*~

Fri, 21 May 2004 03:56:45 GMT

"No more sad songs..." Sing it Clay Aiken! Sadly, I've been prone to listening to sad lovey dovey songs... but I can't help it! Justin Guarini does such a good job on "Unchained Melody." Very nice. I don't care what anybody else says... he can sing the dictionary to me and I'll be happy. =) But anyway, listened to some depressing songs while feeling a bit gloomy (ok, a little more than a little bit - I cried!) b/c I suck at goodbyes and this one's gonna be hard. I don't want it to be goodbye ("There's no greater power than the power of goodbye" - Madonna) But I had a revelation and I remembered what Nance told me to say and I've been formulating this shpeal to say... and with no inhibitions, I'm so doing it the first chance I can. Please, really, PRAY FOR ME! This means a lot. [Nance, we sooo need to talk! <3 Oh, and did I mention: I THINK I LOVE YOU!!]

<3 to Lydda... sushi awaits! Top secret stuff to be emailed soon!! ('Twas fun ;) )

Ah! I CANNOT wait till Avril Lavigne's album drops! Heard most of the songs from the Leak at MTV.com. Different, more sad songs - but I like! Esp. this one song "Slipped Away". I just hope I won't hafta deal with that song on a firsthand basis. =\ *I don't wanna jinx myself!*

Eeep!!!